Oliver Willis

Like Kryptonite To Stupid

GOP Cyborg Caucus Demands Galactic Counsel “Slow Down” Health Care Reform

July 19, 2652 4:22 pm.

JULY, 2652 A.D.

(Low Earth Orbit) — Senator Mitch McConnell MarK II, in an impassioned speech on board The Congressional Moon urged the Galactic Counsel to “slow down” on its planned health care reform bill. “We do not understand why the galactic counsel is being so hasty with this legislation. Our unified hive-brain is completely boggled as to why the counsel is so dead set on these radical changes without the time to review them.”

In response, the newly appointed Speakerbot of the Federation, Nancy “Boomstick” Pelosi issued a holo-release with a subliminal soundtrack indicating that the recent crushing victory of the Democratic party in the 17 Federated Galaxies Plus That One Asteroid gave her a “clear mandate for universal care in anticipation that we may one day return to Earth and need medical care due to all the post-nuclear radiation”.

Historians said the ongoing debate over universal care was reminiscient of the back and forth over six centuries ago, but that the scars of the Bipartisanship War Of ‘22 were still fresh enough to circumvent what is commonly known as “douchebag Broderism”.

In a presentation via MurdochNet (slogan: Powered by the brains of Younglings) on the Presidential Planet, Federation president Barry Hussein Muslim expressed his support for the Speaker and vowed to “crush the enemies” of health care reform and hear the “lamentation of their women”. The president continued, “Can I put these guys in a Sarlac pit if they refuse single-payer? Yes, we can.”

Oliver Willis
Location: Takoma Park, MD
Previous Locations: Dedham, MA; Watertown, MA; Los Angeles, CA; Delray Beach, FL; Lauderdale Lakes, FL; Silver Spring, MD; Montego Bay, Jamaica
Full Name: Lloyd Oliver Willis, Jr.
Age: 31
Date of Birth: 12/06/77
Place of Birth: Silver Spring, MD
Blogging since: December 2000-present
Work: Web Producer for Media Matters for America