For various and sundry Years - Various and sundry Senators and Representatives - Have had various and sundry Convictions - For various and sundry Crimes!
Although few have ever been Beheaded, or Hung - ALAS! Their ‘punishments’ have run the Gamut - From a Smack on the Knuckles - to a Warning - To ‘Public Service’ - to Fines - to Actual ‘Limited’ Jail Time!
The Gamut of Crimes? From DWI - to DUI - to Fraud - to Sex Crimes - To Embezzlement - to Mismanagement of Funds - To Wife-Beating - to Drunk and Disorderly.
And just Who - Polices Them? Their very own ‘Ethics Committee!’ What a Total Farce! The ‘Pot calling the Kettle - Black!’
Can you just imagine the evening Discussions - When the ‘Good Ole Boys’ gather Together? “Wow, Sam - you really gave me a grillin’ Today!” “Sorry, Joe - had to make it look good, didn’t I?”
“Yeah, but you didn’t need to bring up that ‘HO’ Thing!” “Did you say ‘Whole’ or ‘Ho’?” “The Pay-off of Prostitutes - my Dear Friend!” “Key-Rist Joe - you got caught with your Pants Down!”
“Well, how was I supposed to know it was a ‘Sting’ Operation?” “Cheese, Joe - you’ve been getting away with it for Years - Haven’t you learned Anything?” “It’s Unfair - it’s Entrapment - that’s what it Is!”
“Next time - Joe - use Cash, not your Credit Card!” “But Sam - that’s all she would Take!” “I guess you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, can You?” “Sorry Sam - I’ll be more careful next Time!”
“Well, that’s enough talk about your minor Dalliances - Let’s talk about this next Bill - What kind of ‘Pork’ can we add On?” “It’s for the Vets - so how about an NRA Entitlement?”
“John - what about that Indian Casino Fiasco? Any new angles we can Swing?’ “I dunno, Sam - that Sonofabitch wants Three Million!” “What about - Walter, or Henry, or Jack, or Matt?”
“Aw - they’ve got their heads up their Arses - Too busy raising campaign money, you Know!” “Billy-Bob - what about those Arms Appropriations?” “The damned GM CEO wants more for Hummers!’
“That’s OK Harry - our ‘cut’ will be higher Also!” “It’s getting so difficult splitting up all these pieces of Pie - I’m trying to set up more Swiss Bank Accounts, how about You?” “Naw - Off-Shore Accounts - that’s where I Hide It!’
“Anybody got any more new ideas on muddying the Water - For this Damned Health-Care Reform Crap?” “The Insurance guys are raising Holy Hell!” Medicare and AARP are bitchin’ up a Storm!”
“Screw the Seniors! Screw the Vets! Screw the Public!’ “What do they know? Give ‘em more Rhetoric!” They couldn’t get out of a wet paper Bag!” “That’s enough Business - DEAL THE CARDS!”
“HEY DICK - CAN WE PLAY ‘DEUCES WILD’?” Or maybe even - ‘Chase The Queen?’