by G. Kim Blank / July 29th, 2009 / Dissident Voice
Take two tablets by mouth twice daily. Do not crush or chew. Swallow whole. Take with food. Do not operate large or dangerous mechanical devices or heavy machinery for twelve hours. Side effects may include any or, in some cases, all of the following:
Abdominal bleeding, abdominal pain, abnormal or vivid dreams, abnormal thoughts, acne, aggressiveness, agitation, allergic reaction, altered taste, amnesia, anemia, anxiety, back pain, black stools, blindness, bloating and gas, blood clots, blood in urine, blurred vision, blushing, breast development in males, breast pain or enlargement, breast tenderness, breathing difficulties, bruise-like marks on the skin, cataracts, cerebral thrombosis, changeable emotions, changes in heartbeat, chest pain, chills, clammy skin, confusion, congestive heart failure, conjunctivitis (pinkeye), constipation, coughing, daytime drowsiness, decreased appetite, decreased inhibitions, decreased sex drive, depersonalization (unreal feeling), depressed mood, depression, diarrhea or loose stools, difficulty breathing, difficulty swallowing, difficulty with ejaculation, dizziness, double vision, dry eyes, dry mouth, emotional volatility (mood swings and/or extreme elation), exaggerated feeling of well-being, eye pain, fainting, fatigue, feeling “drugged” or light-headed, feeling faint upon arising from a sitting or lying position, feeling of illness, fever, flu symptoms, fluid retention, flushing, forgetfulness, frequent urination, gastrointestinal complaints, grandiose thoughts, hair loss, “hairy” tongue, hallucinations, hearing loss, hearing problems, heart attack, heartburn, hemorrhage or discharge, hemorrhoids, hepatitis, hiccups, high blood pressure, high pressure within the eye (glaucoma), hives, hot flushes, hypoglycemia, impaired concentration, impaired muscle formation, impotence, inability to sleep (insomnia), inability to stay seated, inappropriate and out-of-control behavior, increased appetite, increased salivation, increased sex drive, increased sweating, increased temperature, indigestion, inflamed nasal passages or nasal congestion, inflammation of the pancreas or stomach, inflammation of the penis, somnolence (sleepiness), intolerance to light, irregular heartbeat, itching, joint pains, kidney failure, lack of coordination, lack of need for sleep, lack of sensation, leg cramps, liver failure, liver or kidney inflammation, loss of appetite, loss of personality, low blood pressure, low blood pressure, male sexual dysfunction (primarily ejaculatory delay), manic or hippomanic states, memory loss, menstrual problems, migraine, movement problems, muscle cramps or weakness, muscle pain, muscle rigidity, nausea, need to urinate during the night, nervousness, no fear of danger, nose bleed, pain upon urination, pain, paranoia, peptic ulcers and bleeding peptic ulcers, prolonged bleeding time, prolonged erection, purplish spots on the skin, racing rapid mood shifts, rash, rectal hemorrhage, respiratory infection/lung problems, ringing ears (tinnitus), rolling eyes, seizure, sensations of high energy, sensitivity to light, sexual problems, shortness of breath, sinus inflammation, skin eruptions, skin peeling, sleep disruption sleepwalking, sore throat, sore tongue, speech problems, sputum increase, stiffness, stomach and intestinal inflammation, stomach or upper intestinal ulcer, swollen ankles, swollen eyelids, swollen face, swollen feet, swollen lymph nodes, swollen sex organs, swollen throat, swollen wrist, taste changes, thirst, thoughts of harming yourself, throbbing heartbeat, thrush, tingling or pins and needles, tooth grinding, tremor (shakiness), twitching, ulcer of gums, unusual risk-taking behavior, upper respiratory tract infection, urinary retention, vaginal inflammation, vertigo, voice loss (laryngitis), vision loss or changes, vomiting blood, vomiting, water retention, weakness, weight gain, weight loss, wheezing, yawning, yellow eyes and skin.
Should any or all of these side effects persist, or if some completely new ones show up, call your physician, your pharmaceutical company—and, in some cases, your plumber.
G. Kim Blank is a professor, writer, and media consultant. He has published books, articles, and chapters in the areas of literary history and criticism, media, conflict and theory, and on many other topics. Read other articles by G. Kim.
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